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“No one wants to give kovod to he who seeks it.”
Think about it. I give compliments freely, I see the good in everyone, I respect them. But when there’s someone who’s just fishing for that compliment, that admiration, I could barely grunt out a “good job,” if even.
Now why is that?
I think it’s because I feel, deep down, like I’m being used.Please share your thoughts on this fascinating matter.
To Lanky
I have no problem with handing out compliments. Hey, I like your idea for a thread, and that’s why I’m commenting on it. Let me share a personal experience. I write a weekly Dvar Torah which goes out to two of the shuls I attend. It’s unique because I draw Mussar lessons from rock music. When I started about a year ago a few people complimented me. Lately that’s stopped. I’m tempted to ask these people if they still like what I write, but I’m reluctant to do so, because it will look like I’m fishing for praise. Really, what I’m looking for is feedback so I can improve my writing.
If you’re a genuinely good person you do it even if you feel like you’re being used. It doesn’t cost anything and can be a huge chesed.
It’s only your feelings that are making you feel used, if you view it as your doing them a Chesed because they need the compliment to feel better about themselves you would feel better
which is why after 120 your skeleton would be smiling
To the group
Let me share a story. A good number of years ago I met Rabbi Eliezer Ginsburg shlita in Flatbush. He didn’t know who I was but he gave me a Sholom Aleichem. I responded, “I bought your Haggada a few years ago and I use it at my Seder every year.” He began to gush over me, “Thank you so much. This means so much to me.” Rabbi Ginsburg didn’t need my Haskama, but a kind word goes a long way. Unfortunately, most people who post on line like to insult others. They invent Heterim by arguing that it’s all anonymous. What they’ll discover is that Hashem is all knowing so why not offer encouragement? It doesn’t cost anything.
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