Silent one: Abusive behavior most definitely stems from insecurity. Low self esteem [as you claim you feel] is not necessarily insecurity. Aggressive behavior is solely generated from feelings of insecurity, as it gives with it feeling of security upon acting aggressive. (Nazi behavior was also generated from feelings of insecurity.)
The only eitzah to rectify this phenomenon, is that people who are aggressive should be made to recognize that their behavior is abnormal, and they need to address their insecurity through therapy. I believe that if all these people would go for individual therapy before they get married, then they will become totally healed and lead healthy marriages.