Silent One: Someone who possesses selfishness or/and arrogance definitely make it difficult for someone to have a good relationship them. However, these character traits do not induce abusive behavior, so therefore it is still possible to maintain a relationship with them, as unpleasant as it may be sometimes. Arrogance and selfishness originate from a lack of discipline and self understanding of social relationships. You may classify it as Middos Raos, but it definitely can’t be associated with abusive behavior-meaning intentionally putting down another person for the sole purpose of feeling themselves self confident. Only real abusive behavior is devastating to a marriage as it makes life unbearable for the spouse, and it stems solely from deep seated insecurity [and not from lack of discipline]. The solution therefore is to directly address the insecurity which is inducing this behavior. I don’t think regular Mussar classes are sufficient to address such serious behavior problems; only individual therapy which is specifically designed to deal with these cases would be the real solution.
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