the-art-of-moi
I think you are obsessing over the whole Teshuvah thing. Really all Hashem wants is for you to try your hardest to do whats right based on what you know. Stop expecting perfection from yourself. This obsession with Teshuvah is going to make you depressed. Focus on living positively and looking towards the future. Also I really think you need to have someone help you with the parent issue. You need a flesh and blood mentor/teacher/therapist to help guide you.