the-art-of-moi
You aren’t being fair to yourself. We all have ups and down’s and even within one day we can have good moments and not such good moments.
Additionally, I dont think its fair to compare Chanukah to now. Why do you think you would and should feel the same on a non Yom Tov as you feel on Yom Tov?! Thats simply impossible. Yom Tov is a special time where Hashem sends down a certain spiritual light and we are closer to Him during that time. Just like you cant compare the weekday to Shabbos you cant compare the weekday to yom tov. Its natural to feel more on yom tov, especially since we do special acts and have certain mitzvos on yom tov that we don’t have every day. That makes it exciting as well.
Going back to what we started with, the Chofetz Chaim zechuso yagein aleinu says that if someone is davening shemoneh esrei and he realizes in middle of sim shalom that he spaced out the whole shemoneh esrei and didn’t have one bit of kavannah, he shouldnt get down on himself but rather be mechazek himself and say i will have kavannah in sim shalom and the rest of shemoneh esrei. Basically he is saying dont be a perfectionist and dont throw in the towel because things didnt go just the way you would have liked. Even if you had a terrible day, you can go and save the day and say a kapitel Tehillim, or do a chessed or something. Look forward always. The yetzer hora is trying to trap you into giving up. Thats a big tool of his especially in this generation. He just wants you to give up. Hashem knows you are human and doesn’t expect perfection. Hashem expects that when you mess up you wont give up, rather you will be mechazek yourself to be better the next time.
Love your posts, just don’t always have time for the longer ones during work hours – 29