I agree with many of the points you make, but still I’m confused. I’m not sure what your argument is. If you’re trying to say that you are greater for not wanting your husband to learn in kollel, there are people who agree with you already and those who disagree. No ones opinion is going to change. If you are asking if men have more worth, that is true to an extent but with about .00000000001% difference. If your frustration is that men don’t support their wives in following their dreams, that has nothing to do with Judaism bec Judaism has only the highest regard for eshet chayil and any good Jewish husband will view his wife as a heroine and if he doesn’t that’s a problem in their marriage and not a problem with Judaism.
From what you say, I feel like I am struggling with the same things as you so I am going to tell you what I tell myself. However if you feel the following doesn’t apply to you, feel free to ignore it.
You need to follow your dreams and you need to own your life. If you do what you thing is noble, people will respect it. If you spend your life feeling as if everyone is judging you and you feel that you need to justify it, only you will lose out. I know kollel families where both parents are Tzaddikim and I know kollel people who use I as an excuse to have month long vacations three times a year. The fact is that, even if people feel pressured to go into kollel, when they really know that they don’t want to, each person still has a choice and if a person chooses to lie to himself and live a life that ‘the neighbors’ respect, only that person is missing out. At the end of the day, there are many that want it for the right reasons and many who want it for the wrong reasons.