“It may change a potential spouses view”
And an active spouse as well.
“and make him/her drop the person”
Or, in the case of a spouse, deeply ruin the trust and the relationship.
“but it really isn’t who that person is”
Beautiful thought, and very good Chizuk.
Have you heard of growing stronger from your mistakes? If you think that applies here than you are agreeing that the mistake is very much a part of your identity. Not as a transgressor — anymore — but it is there in some color (either as ???? ?? ?????? or ???? ?? ???????). The choice is his whether he wants to be open minded or not. Do you believe in giving a son and daughter a say in their Shidduch? Why would your spouse have less of a choice?
It is starting to sound like you know the answer but wish it weren’t so. You seem to feel that the rejection won’t be based on a real understanding of how far you really are from your history. This is a true concern. People get repelled from shocking news. I believe Reb Moshe Feinstein said that after a relationship has developed, before getting engaged, is the time to disclose the uncomfortable stuff. You might want to get some advice of how to introduce it, and in how many steps, and when to start planting some early necessary introductions.