briefly- a fw answers.
mazca- you may have “grown up” with your ideas but they are absolutely wrong. A woman can touch (and read) from a sefer torah (and certainly tefillin) any time, even if she is a “niddah”. This is an OPEN halocho in joreh deah 282. No one has any doubts about that, as it is based on the gemror and them rabam and other poskim.
we are only discussing “minhagim’ here and it is also clear that there was a wide range fo minhagim in the ashkenazic world- this has been the subject of our discussions.
mybat- minhagim are mihagim and are not necessarily binding. your example of rice is an erroneosu one because , in the recent past ,in “shenas bezores’ (years of famine)the poskim have allowed to eat “kitnyos’ in spite of the minhag by ashkenazim not to eat it. Clearly, they would not have allowed chometz chas vesholom, but in times of dire need, they have ignored minhagim.
As per your point of which mitzvos women have or not, it is simple. they are “obliged’ for mitsvos she’ein hazman geromo”- mitzvas that are not dependent on time but are pottur-free (by and large) of mitzvos that are time- oriented. Yet, they can do these mitzvos also and will be “mekabel sechar’ (receive a reward) Women listen to shofar, shake the lulav and do other mitzvas that they are NOT obliged to do yet still do it. Same with tzitzis. tefillin are a different matter, although the gemoro mentions michal bas shaul and I have heard that rashi’s daughters als put on tefillin.
I am not taking any sides on the issue whether women “should’ dance, only to point out that, halachically, it is permitted.
jothar- I don’t know R’moshe teshuvo on women and tzizits but it is well-knwon that chassidic rebbetzins did wear a talis koton,because they wanted to be “mekayim’ the mitzvah.