econjew- I don’t see why you can’t be with a certain tzibur and do other things outside that “boxed in” title. I don’t belive in these titles. We are all Jews and as long as we are in confines of Halacha and doing our adovas hashem leshem shomayim (or at least doing our humanly best) why should it matter what you call yourself. you can be sure there are very yeshvish people that just have the title but aren’t as serious behind closed doors. and you can be sure of that in any “sect” of the Orthodox spectrum. Many people are dishonet, but you should be honest with yourself. If wearing a black hat makes you feel more connected to Hashem and to a tzibur you want to assocaite with, then by all means (come join us!) but, if you are doing it just to be “yeshivish” you are missing the whole point. you need to understand the meaning behind the hat, not just put it on. So if this girl your dating is so adamant that you are yeshivish, maybe you should reconsider someone who wants to confine you to someting your not. You can have yeshivish tendancies but not be a full time learner with a wife supporting you. its ideal and it works for many is beautiful. but for lots econimic times are hard, and you clearly care about supporting your family.
hope that helped! hatzlacha on your path!