“Yet I have never seen a heter for saying it, based on everyone having to “struggle with it”.
You are absolutely right, and yet, somehow that does not seem to stop the yentas of ANYWHERE, New York, from speaking it on a regular basis. Do we say they are not frum? No, we say, it is wrong to speak loshon hara, Hashem has specified in so many ways and places that it is a terrible aveira, on par with eating treif, btw, but no one wants to put them in cheirem, as far as I know. The issue of tznius, while it has certain components that are absolutes, it has other gray areas, and though we are all so sure we “know” what the halacha is, some rabbonim hold a mekeil view in some things (i.e. the stockings issue) so there ARE some issues that are not absolutes. I have seen some incredibly tzniusdig young women (in demeanor) who were wearing clothing that some people here would feel was not “modest” by some standards. Halevai that ALL bnos Yisroel were as modest and aidel as they. I have likewise seen young women (and men) who looked the part, talked the talk, but did not walk the walk of aidelkeit.
I am not saying in any way that we should not adhere to standards of propriety. But I do think that some interpretations of propriety can be expanded a little, to include people whom others have formerly discounted.