WOW! So much has been written! So I will add my two cents at this point. Tznius is a mitzvah and it should be a viewed as a Mitzvah “aseh” and not as a Mitzvah “lo ta’aseh” which is the impression I am getting from most of the posts, and that is where I think it has been going wrong basically.
The worst problem with the mitzvah of tznius is that it is not being taught in the way it should be. The beauty of keeping the mitzvah of tznius is not being taught neither by parents nor by mechanchim. The mitzvah of tznius is never discussed with young men although it should be in so many ways. Modesty really applies to both because it effects the entire Jewish family. It effects the way one dresses and the way one conducts themselves. So for instance, if boys assume foul language, that for sure is not tznius. If they run around in shorts or bathing suit or loud clothing themselves, that can also be considered a breach of tznius. Being a ba’al gaiver is also a big breach of tznius. I think you get my point. And the worst of course is getting drunk at a kiddush or other simcha.
As far as girls and women are considered. If they were taught the beauty of tznius and why WE are entrusted with this mitzvah as we are entrusted with some of the other very special mitzvos I believe there would be a different attitude. And yes, we can be tznius and fashionable at the same time. And yes we can be tznius and cover ALL of our hair at the same time. It is a matter of choosing to do what is asked of us because we understand why we are doing it and because we WANT to perform the mitzvah and not because we are forced to do so or we will be judged by not doing so.
A young woman who has spies following her on Sundays will definitely break the rules as soon as she graduates. Teach by example, and teach the beauty of Yiddishkeit, the joy and simcha of being Yiddin. Teach children why we do what we do and why we are so happy doing it. Why we appreciate the mitzvos Hashem has given us and we aspire to go from madreigah to madreigah. Kids cannot just do things by route. If they do at one point they will question it and when they don’t have the answers, they will choose not to do it.
Nothing will change until the Yeshiva systems we have in place make the changes necessary to teach our children in the manner that they truly need to be taught, with love and simcha for ahavas yisroel and for yiddishkiet, torah AND mitzvos.
EDITED