Rebdoniel: I really feel for you! sorry I am not addressing your post directly, but I just wanted to share something with you. I grew up completely secular and Jewish, but when I started to return a situation happened that cast doubts as to my mother’s Judaism and my maternal grandmother, etc. It was a real mess that was finally completely resolved without a giur, but I had to go thru A LOT of things that are too long to elaborate here. However, I kind of went through an experience that made me more sensitive than the average to geirus and what it entails. I grew up thinking I was Jewish and then oops! I am probably not or I don’t know if I really am… etc. i always loved being Jewish and completely identified with it… and it was painful to think I wasn’t. one day i was driving in the car and the tears were pouring and I was talking to Hashem and I said, “Hashem I don’t care that I am NOT jewish according to Halacha, it’s ok! I am going to become a Jew whatever it takes because that is the TRUTH”!! It was a choice that I made!
Later proof of my Jewishness was found, etc… but it was never anymore the idea that I was just born Jewish! I now made a choice to be a Jew and it was even more special to me! It is the most beautiful thing that you are doing! One Rav told me once to remember that we were all geirim once. Even if you are born a Jew, each person still has to make that choice at some point… i think…Hatzlacha Rabba to you in all! It may take time but Hashem will surely help you get there!!