I am by far NOT holding in gittin with halacha. However, we much all realize the approach to the concept of a get in the first place is from the Torah HaKedosha. As heard from one great speaker, if nobody is “in charge” of the relationship, the woman is not a wife – she’s a “pilegesh,” or, if you want to rile up the person asking the question, say it in English: a concubine. There’s no direction or leader – there’s just a mutually agreed idea that they are together.
Jewish marriage has responsibilities on each side, and the Torah, Moshe Emes v’Toraso Emes, and Chazal the bears of the mosora of Torah she ba’al peh, had nothing but the most pure and best intentions for marriage to work. A get is a part of that process.
I just wanted to make sure everyone knows why the halachic debate being had here is germane in the first place.
In other words, to answer the question of the asker, it -is- sometimes proper to withhold a get. The main point of the get is to show that the husband has a certain control. And that -is- respectful to women. V’Ain Cahn Makom L’ha’arikh.
We have to make sure we don’t insert our false and sometimes, unfortunately, ingrained Western Feminism values into this discussion. The Torah is NOT Western, and it is NOT American. It is JEWISH, the best feminism that exists.