Sam:
No, I’m saying he has the right to defend himself (and his children) from being hurt. He doesn’t have to let himself be hurt by her wrongful action. With a divorce he will (likely) no longer be able to live with his children. He will no longer be able to see his children most of the time. That is very harmful to both him and the children. Divorce is traumatic for children. And then, of course, he is also losing all the time and investments he put into building his marriage. By electing not to divorce he isn’t seeking to harm or punish her – indeed he is hoping she’ll agree to return to the marriage – but rather he is making that decision to remain married to protect himself and the children from the harm of her wrongful and frivolous desire to divorce without cause. And he genuinely wants to continue his marriage to her and is ready to so, including fulfilling all his marital obligations to her. [Beis Din even has the right to demand, if they remain married because she demonstrated no valid cause justifying divorce, that she must return and remain with her husband and stop being a moredes.] Why are you giving greater credence to her pain (caused by her own decision) over the pain she is causing him and the children?
All because she thinks she “can do better” in a future marriage since he isn’t the rock star she thought he was when getting married? Or that she prefers the freedom of being single over remaining married? The Torah very clearly says he must WANT to divorce. If he doesn’t want to he doesn’t have to divorce says the Torah (if he didn’t harm her in the marriage). Why does the Torah say the husband has to want to divorce in order to do so? How can you possibly insist on pushing a divorce if he doesn’t want to whereas the Torah states it is only possible if he does want to? I don’t understand why you cite Rabi Akiva. Yes, we pasken like him. But he is very clearly only referring to his rights to divorce; not any obligation he has to divorce (or any rights of hers to be given a divorce).
BTW, how do you account for shema nasna eineha b’acher? Do you agree that is applicable today to deny her desire for a divorce as Chazal and the SA say? Halacha doesn’t give her the prerogative to wait it out for some timeframe to pass and then she can get out – and potentially get together with the one she had her eyes on.