I have to laugh at the theoretical nature of all these discussions. A divorce is one situation where you can sit and hock from today until tomorrow about what would be/should be but you will never ever get enough honest details to have a clue in real life. Even the people involved get so caught up in their negius that they can’t always keep straight who threw the first proverbial punch.
I have a friend involved in a divorce where one side spread all kinds of rumors that are so easy to believe. People can’t help but take sides, and mostly not his. The truth is so crazy that you would never believe it without seeing it with your own eyes. He offered her a get a year ago and her lawyer refused it. He offered it again now and the lawyer told the bais din “no”, not until the case is closed (custody is actually already decided). Oddly enough, they have already spread the word around that he is refusing to offer a get. perhaps they will continue to refuse the get until he has sufficiently been smeared beyond what has already been done. But any of you who heard the rumor would certainly believe it and would never think that the lawyer is the one writing letters of refusal to the bais din.
The facts are so hard to pin down unless you are there at every turn. We can never ever know who is really at fault or how true their allegations are. Splitting hairs over what should be done in certain situations doesn’t help if we can never really know if a certain situation even applies. It always boils down to a he said-she said and how can anyone possibly rule on anything but speculation.