Sam,
I would tend to agree to an extent that if all issues are settled and the husband refuses to give a get simply out of spite or in some deluded attemptto save a marrigae that is over becuase he thinks the marriage is salvagable, then he is wrong.
However if the wife is the one who decided to end the marriage for no valid reason and the custody agreement put forth is not something the husband is happy with, then I really see no reason why he cannot tell the wife.
You want to end the marriage? Fine.
However you cannot force me to give up my right’s to my children. I’ll give a get as soon as there is a custody agreement to my satisfaction.
I don’t think that’s abusive. I think thats dealing with a spouse that has shown a callous disregard for other’s in the only way possible.