I am a bt who is only willing to marry an ffb. Although I started keeping shabbos as a teenager, I grew up going to day school most of my life. Even though my elementary school was not frum, a bunch of frum kids were in my grade at that time. I went to a public hs for three years with a significant jewish population and attended an all girls learning program between 11th and 12 th grade. Then I switched to a by for the last year, and at this point, I literally only speak to a few guys who are single because I have known them, their families my whole life but I would never hang out with them and I only chat with them once every few months. Totalling up to like ten guys and some guys I speak to like once a year. But like I really do not know any guys, last week I was asked to attend a hillel meeting on my campus and I decided not to because its not my crowd. I know I have very yeshivish/chassidish leanings and earlier this summer I spoke on the phone with a guy from a different community and he was a bt, three days three hours on conversation I got the following: resentment of not religious family and childhood, unrealistic, no career plan (he was unemployed but made up many excuses not to make any initiatives towards further education or job search). I broke it off because all of these things really bother me. Everyone has religious struggles myself included but the truth is that nobody can build their bayis neeman on the basis of regretting ones past completely. My bt friends who are my age in shidduchim we dont have this attitude because we realized years ago in hs that it prevents us from growing in frumkite. But if your a girl who started in high school and get redt a 25 year old who started in college his journey since its later in life is much different and not everyone can deal with that.
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