There is a distinct “cultural” mindset that I have seen in multiple couples when both are bt. They tend to be very involved in kiruv organizations and raise their kids with that mindset type of thing. The wealthier families only really donate to kiruv from what I have seen. Also, I am against doing kiruv if people are not interested and the mindset of kiruv in most cases is that everyone who walks in the door is gonna keep shabbos in two hours and I have heard stories about people who have ended up in cherem for not having that mindset. I gotta tell you that I dont like the pushiness that comes from a kiruv lifestyle when people are exposed to many notall of these people. Even in ncsy I remember them pushing me a lot bur at least they knew who I was when they began to do that and it was only because they knew I was going to be recereceptive to what they were saying and when I told them what my barrier was to getting it, they were very helpful in that area. But their pushing was more like mirroring what I was feeling and giving me the resources to get it. Most other kiruv organizations put of communal pressure are forced to push more to a point where many people can break. I personally do not associate with those places but many baalei teshuva feel as if they have to and my conversations with one guy I didn’t end up actually dating and a few girls, I was told they felt their way was the only way to go, i think at least one of the girls went off the derech because of that and the guy his life seemed to have in his eyes fallen apart and my conversations with him indicated that because of how the people he associated with through the kiruv organization were pushy he was not really able to take care of himself. (Why would anyone tell a guy who lives in a town nowhere near cholov Yisroel milk that he has to keep the chumras or drink parve milk when he is not even married?) I personally am switching over to cholov yisroel but now that I have milk and cheese down, its a matter of when I am willing to basically give up eating candy and ice cream as often as I do now because I do live on a town wit all of these products here but the junk food is just really expensive.
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