A moderator contacted me to tell me that a poster requested that I remove (or the mods remove) my comment about the bas kol, as it is a very emotional issue, and the comment is not helpful. Let me just say that I had and have no intention of ch’v causing any bas Yisroel tza’ar, and I apologize if that happened.
To this poster I say:
I understand that there’s an emotional balm to thinking that everyone has their “bashert”, who they will certainly marry, but don’t you see the potential harm in it?
Don’t you see how on a communal level, it allows us to look away from the plight of bnos Yisroel and leave it in Hashem’s hands (which, of course, it ultimately is) but ignore our responsibilities?
Wouldn’t you agree that such thinking absolves individuals from making responsible decisions? Imagine, every boy can hold out for a girl with all of the ma’alos he wants, p’nimiyus and chitzoniyus, and throw in wealth for good measure, and any suggestion he rejects can be chalked up to “Well, obviously, this wasn’t my bashert!”. The same is true regarding girls holding out until they find a boy with all of the items on their predetermined checklist.
Finally, when we see that throughout history that many people have passed on without marrying, can we not worry that it can erode our faith in the words of Chazal to suggest that they made a guarantee that every single person will marry?
So, no don’t give up faith in Hashem’s ability to find a shidduch for anyone; daven, and work on making yourself the best possible spouse, and have emunah that whatever He does is for the best.