From the summation of YWN posters and responses to Rav Rechnitz’s article, I believe that a crucial point has been touched on but not discusses=d. There are enough shadchanim, the age gap is controversial at best. The main complaint is that there are no boys!
Now, Hashem runs the world and wants each of His children happy. How could it make sense that Hashem would deprive so many wonderful girls from happiness by not creating their husbands? Do you really believe that?
So if every woman has a man destined for her, where is he? I believe that we as a society have manufactured this crisis. A boy, to be considered an eligible match has to be a long time learner.
A boy who can’t learn very well sees himself as a failure, because in our society, he clearly is. No one wants him. So maybe he’ll go to college or an honest profession if he is of strong moral conviction. If he is not and is far too damaged, then he’s a bum on the street. Either way, college/working/bum is completely unacceptable to a frum BY girl and therefore, hundreds of boys are removed from the dating pool.
So we are creating the shidduch crisis by throwing away our boys. Boys who have wonderful middos, intelligence, love for Hashem, but lack the zitzfleish for learning full time. Very few Bais Yaakov girls will consider them for dating.
First of all, how dare we convince boys that they are garbage because they can’t learn 10 hours a day? How dare we vilify a boy who, seeing that he does not have a future as a full time learner, goes to make an honest living? Is it an embarrassment for a man to provide for his family?
It would be shameful if he walked away from Torah, absolutely. Torah makes a home, makes a person. Is a morning shiur/night shiur and daf yomi really nothing? Is that not Torah learning?
People have commented that they know of many girls who DO want learner/earners, but there are none to be found. That too, is of our creation. How long can you tell a person that they are worthless because they can’t learn, their talents are worthless because they don’t include gemara, that working is shameful, for those who cound’t hack it in gemara before they believe you and walk away from it all?
From my experience, it IS hard to find a learner/earner. When someone leaves full time yeshiva, it takes an enormous amount of moral conviction to stay connected to yeshiva and torah learning ,when the prevailing attitude is that you are a failure. The really serious boys who learn well and earn are gems and hard to find. Most fall to the wayside and become immersed in college or work and neglect Torah, which is absolutely not suitable for a Bais yaakov girl.
The bottom line for people who think this post is too long, we push our boys off the derech and then complain that there are no boys for our girls to marry.