Reply To: What would you answer?

At this point what is done is done. The Shulchan Aruch paskens that we give Goyim because of Darchey Shalom. You could still give a donation to another cause and give the receipt to this lady in memory of the deceased so as not to look petty, but if you do this you would have to give a greater amount than you would have contributed to the group gift but also a smaller amount as you are not getting a mitzvah of tzedaka and you don’t want to show you are one upping anyone.