1. Chein – looks (see above) is deceptive. The ikar is chein – is the girl pleasant to look at. Is there that special look that a boy feels lovely feelings for… Obviously choosing based on a checklist of sizes etc. is dumb. But you know what – tough luck. There are guys who like to have their wife wear things (not necessarily untznius) that are from a outside perspective “interesting” – an odd lipstick, a certain color skirt etc. Do these things make sense? No. But kvetching in articles is not going to get a guy to not like an odd shaitel haircut or funky glasses. Just deal. Everyone has their own bashert and your non-bashert does not need to want to marry you.
2. Extremely good middos. The vast majority of frum yidden have good middos when facing a situation of relative calm. When things start getting complex in life, marriage lessens the number with “great middos”. Find a girl that has really, really good middos. REALLY GOOD MIDDOS. Not stam. Find a girl whose stories make you pause in awe. Wow, she is really nice. If she says tehillim, smiles, and does not have a record of disciplinary problems – she might be a very nice girl – but you can’t claim (as of yet) that she has “good middos”. It’s like a guy in yeshiva who shows up the vast majority of sedarim and davens 3x a day – he might be a gadol, but you can’t learn out that he is a ‘good learner’ from being in yeshiva and learning. What else was he supposed to be doing? Of course, it’s not a knock for doing what’s right – I am saying it is not a proof.
3. Similar backgrounds/goals. Not everyone has to be from the same place or same background – but you have to be on the same page. Finances, long-term plans, family dynamics. Of course, the first year/two/three you might agree on being in Kollel or living in Hoopitsville – but long term do you shtim? Of course, things can work out despite. And no one can plan their own future. But why not make it easier on yourself – look for someone who you really seem to be on the same wavelength.