Reply To: Over controlling parents- How to deal?

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#1058659
OURtorah
Participant

FFBBT- you sound like me literally 2 years ago (you can go read old threads of mine asking almost the same thing). I don’t want to disclose information about my personal situation, but lets just say it took an extremly long and painful time to get my parents to trust the things I wanted from my life. (including and probably very similar to the things you want in your life).

You are still in high school and you have a great deal of maturing to do. That is normal and I know how terribly frustrating it is. I felt like I was talking to a brick wall as well. There needs to be places where you compormise though. It is easy to say “I wish my parent was like that Bais Yaakov girl, who wants her daughter to dress more tzniously, wants her to marry that type of guy and get that type of degree”.

Hashem clearly didn’t set your life up that way, and the first step to getting you anywhere is to accept that. Accept the parents you were given. I know you say you do, but think deep down. Accepting them is more than saying “they are loving and support me etc.” It is embracing the fact that they have different ideals and values than you, and that is ok.

Once you have accepted that your mom will never fully appreciate where you are coming from you can now move to stage two: compromise. You know your values, but allow yourself to now replace that ideal mother in your head with your mother. Compromise can be as simple as letting your parents more into your head. It is showing them you are taking responsability. Or it can be as far as saying I will do my degree the way you want it, but I want to go to a specific collage.

Part of maturing is stopping to think the world revolves around you. It is scary, and I’m not accusing you of being full of yourself C”V. But everyone has their big dreams. Yours will come one day, you just have specific hurdles to overcome. You have to approach them the right way. Be calm, be patient and be slow to anger. Trust me, I go through this often still, but I have learned how to have these conversations with my parents. You will too.