To letakeingirl
I’ve been following the coffee room discussions for a short while now and it was always with curiosity and entertainment. I’ve never posted. However when I saw your post it prompted me to create a username just to answer your question. Basically I hear everyone’s answers which are all on the same line about being obligated etc.
I am not negating it however it seems that her question is much deeper. LG it seems Youare asking more from a place of pain. yes very often we watch our parents make mistakes and sometimes unfortunately many mistakes.. no one is perfect and we are still obligated to honor our parents. However there are exceptions and extreme situations where one must consult daastorah (I.e. abusive situations ) the parameters for the halachos of kibud av vaeim are very clear. There are specific halachos of what kibud horim entails. (I.e.making sure they have food clothing etc)
obviously in an ideal world parents would all be ‘deserving ‘ of our respect. And yes the sefer hachinuch (I think ) writes that the fact they brought us inyo world is enough for us to have to respect them.
I am not denying that. Just sayingthat if your situation is an extreme one like abuse etc. Please please consult with a reliable rov who can guide you.
Even a rebetzin or mechaneches may be able to help you sort your feelings and you won’t feel so guilty for having certain feelings etc.
the Torah doesn’t tell us not to feel. Only how to act. .
best of luck..