We do not live near our children’s grandparents. On a good year, our parents and children will get to see each other four times (Succos, Pesach, summer vacation and a family simcha such as a wedding). Baruch Hashem, we are able to stay home for Yom Tov, but I think that Moshe Yess was absolutely on the mark when he highlighted Zeidy leading the Seder as a watershed moment in a child’s life. I still treasure the memories of my own grandfather at the Seder, and I feel that it is an honor and privilege for my children to have this experience.
Nothing to do with being spoiled; this is about imbuing our children with proper appreciation for their grandparents.
It’s true that in some ways it is difficult and straining on both the hosts and the guests. Even something you really want can be taxing in some ways.
We greatly appreciate our parents’ generosity in hosting us, and we try to alleviate the stress of having us there by helping out with whatever we can. I happily peel all the vegetables on erev Pesach for the well over twenty people who will be in my mother in law’s house for Yom Tov every year, among many other things we do to help. We try to minimize the noise and mess from our children, and we certainly make sure that they clean up after themselves, but no matter what, there will be more noise, more mess, less space and more stress because we are there. I believe my wife’s parents when they say they want us to come; At the same time, I can fargin a little bit of kvetching.