Yeshudayona you have to tell your inlaws that you have x amount of money and you want to invite x amount of guests and as a result you must go with a meal plan that fits within your budget.
Obviously you have to show them that you have made some sacrifices on your part for the sake of their “standards” by not inviting as many people as you would like to. Tell them they have to be fair and considerate of your needs and it’s not fair for them to mess up your financial life because they want 6 courses of food (in which a large portion of it ends up trashed anyways), or because they want 6 photographers, 2 video cameras and whatnot(there are many budget oriented photographers that do phenomenal work). Other additional useless things like flowers, candles on all tables or whatever additions are just that – non-essential additions. It doesn’t make or break the wedding, the people do.
I wish you would make me talk to your in-laws so I could set them straight. I’ve been exposed to your type of situation enough times that it really gets my blood boiling seeing such inconsideration from our very own fellow jews.
They can’t reject to pay the difference, bring it up again. You have to give them an ultimatum, cheaper meals or pay for the difference. There is no other option. Say you’re extremely sorry and everything but that’s how it has to be. You have X amount of people that must come and you have X amount of cash and you can tell them that the people you are inviting don’t need to eat a $120 meal to enjoy the evening. (Imagine going to a restaurant and spending 120 on yourself…for a middle income family that’s what you would call a glutton).
Don’t forget to stress as often as possible – the wedding is a few hours, the extravagance of a wedding pales in comparison to the joy that the people bring (and that’s FREE).
I hope this helps.