Please don’t agonize about the past or the fact that you’re not completely observant yet.
As for the past, it is written the Code of Jewish Law, the Shulchan Aruch, that one must always be in the habit of saying, “Everything the Merciful One does is for the good.” In brief, “Gamzu l’tovah,” “This too, for the good.”
Being brought up the way you were was for the best! And it is for the best that you can’t become completely observant overnight (no one can, and if they did, it would overwhelm them and ultimately be counter-productive).
As you say, you are smart and serious. So you will achieve your goal! Just keep working at it and within a short amount of time, you will become completely observant. Explore some different Orthodox Jewish communities and you will find one that suits you soon enough.