How about come to grips with the reality that the shadchan system does not work. There are many reasons why it doesn’t work, or doesn’t work for many people. Why does the Orthodox community perpetually insist on “fitting a circle into a square?” Why can’t there be options in this regard? I once heard of a beuatiful custom that prevailed in Bruers for many years. During the learning on Hoashana Rabbah, single girls would come to the schul and serve a snack during the session. The snack was merely a pretext for the single men to see who was available and perhaps meet their mate. Many a happy Yekkeshe couple met over those cups of coffee. Rather than insist on all the highly ritualized formality, why not return to basics, boy sees girl, boy likes what he sees and goes after girl in socially acceptable ways, boy meets girl, boy and girl like eachother and maybe get married. The problem with the shidduch system is that the first step, boy sees girl, is not there. For many people that’s a problem.
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