The extensive vetting process is itself the cause of many a shidduch to not come to fruition. By the time the Mamas have both checked each others’ families out,so much time may have elapsed that neither party is interested in going forward. It would be really nice if people would just let a boy and a girl meet each other, allow the boy to (horrors!) actually call the girl HIMSELF without the shadchan butting in, and have the girl speak for herself. If the kids are old enough to date, they ought to be mature enough to arrange said date without any intervention past the point of the two young people being suggested to each other. If a boy does not know how to ask a girl out, he is not old enough to be thinking about getting married. If a girl cannot turn down a second or third date, or conversely ACCEPT a second date by having the fellow ask her out directly, then she is way too sheltered. This is not the 18th century. We are not helping our kids by making them think that this type of shidduch dating is the right way. It only slows down their personal growth and maturity. Life is full of unpleasant and uncomfortable situations that must be handled with good judgment. If we can’t allow our kids to exercise that judgment in dating, what makes us think they will be better equipped to do so a few short months from that time?
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