Easy or hard, I am searching for understanding. And if you are up for the challenge, I am all ears and ready for change.
I would never want someone punished on my behalf and I don’t think I am being makpid on something. I find this all very confusing, if that is the right term.
Let’s say someone causes great harm to me/my family, damaging our menuchas hanefesh, trust in people and daily ability to function. They know they are wrong but have decided to go ahead with it all. Not only is there no show of remorse, but the situation is ongoing, perhaps others continue to be hurt as well.
As a “trauma victim”, there are psychological and physiological responses when the person’s name comes up or if they are seen. It is impossible to “feel comfortable” in their presence or trust them.
This is all separate from wishing them harm, telling others of their deed, taking revenge. All suffering has been accepted bAhava, the person is obviously just a shaliach of Hashem for great suffering and not acting on their own.
So now, what does that have to do with forgiveness? Wouldn’t the acceptence of it being Gds will fulfill the requirement of mechila? Why would you say that being punished for a terrible thing they did would be my doing? Would Gd say, “Gee i would be happy to let you off scott free for destroying someone but I can’t because she is still whining on about it”. Why wouldn’t their “punishment” be their own doing?
As a side note, I have studied this in many ways thru many venues and i still search for some point of understanding. Once i understand that it is so, i am confident that i start work toward achieving it.