DaasYochid wrote:
Wolf, considering that you’ve started at least six threads about suicide (that’s what I found on the first page of your profile), I could understand how someone could think the topic fascinates you.
WolfishMusings responded:
Yes, but that’s over the span of what? Four years?
I don’t think six conversations over four years is a sign of obsession. Heck, I often have more than six conversations about Excel, SQL Server and photography over the course of any given week. Does that make me obsessed with them?
WolfishMusings,
Your response to DaasYochid was not logical. If a person has 100 conversations and 94 of them are normal, but 6 of them discuss assassinating a government official with quite a bit of detail, I would imagine that the secret service would take notice. Also, if a person takes 100 trips driving a car and causes crashes during 6 of those trips, would you feel safe with his driving? We are not looking for a plurality here to diagnose the fascination. Something as extreme as suicide mentioned even once should give us pause.
During the time that I have read and posted on this site, I have seen you discuss feelings of inadequacy (I am a sinner, etc.), sadness (e.g., on Shabbos), and suicide. These are serious warning signs. Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing whether these posts are intended as satire (you claimed they were not) or to make a tongue-in-cheek statement about the reality of extreme views expressed on this site (you have not closed the door on this possibility). Some of your examples, such as claiming you are a sinner for talking during laining when you serve as baal koreh, or taking “rule” type statements and denying the possibility of exceptions, seem to point towards those above interpretations of your posts, but your persistence and denials of satire make your body of posts somewhat unsettling to me.
No matter what is said by keyboard kanoim with multiple usernames on this site, Hashem loves you. Every breath that you take and every beat of your heart is proof of that love. Your family loves you and needs you. I may be way off base here, and I apologize if I cause you any pain or offense, but if you are feeling despair, you owe it to yourself and your family to reach out for assistance.