Sure, I’m reading what you say. I agree that individual choice shouldn’t be suppressed. I also agree that the choice to learn in kollel can have negative long term financial repercussions (although it can also have long term positive spiritual repercussions which don’t change the finances but outweigh it).
Where I’m disagreeing with you is the implication that a major factor in the decision whether or not to learn in kollel (or in your case to marry someone who wants to) is sholom bayis. Yes, financial stress, whether it be difficulty paying bills, or feeling subject to the supporting parents’ wishes or beholden to them, is an inherently bad thing, and can cause sholom bayis issues, but the positive aspects of kollel life have tremendous benefits for sholom bayis. So, while it’s reasonable to say that someone deciding to learn in kollel is giving up something in financial security, or even in the feeling of self sufficiency, I don’t think a couple should feel they’re in any way giving up anything in sholom bayis for that decision.