DY: Perhaps I have a different perspective because I didn’t grow up in a kollel home. I still feel like I grew up in a Torah home nonetheless. I also feel like there is value to contributing to family welfare, contributing to the best of your ability to the world (whether through Torah or through any way in which you can see your tafkid), and being self sufficient.
If my future husband learns in kollel, I will consider it a reflection on who he is rather than a “social norm” which means little. I do not believe that kollel is a necessity- I think it is wonderful for the right people, and if my husband is the right person then so much the better. But it is the “system” that I have a problem with, not the concept. (BTW, for reference- and to completely destroy any remaining street cred- that kollel would more likely be RIETS than BMG.) If my husband were NOT to want to learn in kollel, or if for whatever reason it simply could not work out financially, then that would just be how it would be. If my parents or his parents wanted to support, that would be their prerogative, and nothing mandated by a “system.”
flatbusher: 1) I’m not denying that there are multiple causes to good or bad shalom bayis. I was just commenting that there is one that is pretty darn near indisputable in whatever form. 2) As far as a career, I consider it a completely separate factor. It is something I’m torn about, but for reasons completely unrelated to kollel.