Joseph…………….
I feel obligated to provide my daughter with the type of simcha she desires as long as it is comfortably within my means. It has nothing to do with keeping up with others. My ‘comparable’ remark was in response to another poster’s remark about living in a community where this is the norm.
Technical21…………..
I have no idea of your parents circumstances. Chances are that I (in my mid 60s) am substantially older than them. My children are grown and educated, my home is long paid off and my housing cost for a large home is far less than the monthly cost of a 2 bedroom apartment in Brooklyn. I have a successful professional practice, built by hard work and long hours, that now has the next generation involved. One can spend money commensurate with their station in life without being a showoff.
Doing things elegantly doesn’t mean shameless waste. One does not amass wealth through waste. As I’ve posted before, I may have a large home in small town Connecticut, but I still mow the lawn, shovel snow and take out the garbage.
I earlier described (in another thread) that the actual Chasunah will be in our home late morning with a sit down luncheon of approximate 80 closest relatives and friends. That is the small and intimate experience my daughter wishes. The evening affair is in NY to include the not so close relatives, business associates and not as close friends from school, yeshiva, seminary, law school and camp in honoring the simcha.
Hoping to avoid offense or sounding gauche, those who cannot afford to make large and/or lavish affairs often profess to prefer small, intimate and simple affairs.
My wife and I live for our children and grandchildren. We don’t spend money vacationing. We were brought up to value money and not waste. My Oma taught me to buy the best, even if you can only buy less, as it will last and cost less in the long run. “Cheap is dear.” Poor quality items must be replaced quickly and cost more in the long run. This philosophy has served me well in the long run. My everyday watch is a Rolex bought 35 years ago for $1600…a cost of ownership of $45 per year. I expect that I’ll wear and enjoy it for the rest of my life and then my eldest son may have it. I drive a 12 year old car. Yes, it was very expensive when new, but I’ve yet to hit 60,000 miles and will probably own it for 20 years when I get my next car.
It is a matter of priorities and choices. I’d rather spend on simchas than sadness. I’ll not give one cent less Tzedaka because of the cost of the chasunah, in fact, I’ll probably make extra contributions in honor of the event.