Oomis: Retraction noted. No offense taken, I realize that many people have no idea what the inner life of a single feels like- hence my attempt to enlighten you all here.
While singles are generally not ashamed to be single, it is very difficult to function in our society, and be accorded the same acceptance and respect as our married counterparts. We are often looked at as children with no life experience, just because we happen to not yet have had the marriage experience.
Unfortunately, most of us have had many other, often difficult and growth-inducing experiences and are often more mature than our married peers, partly because of our Nisayon. However, society continues to treat us like children, and it can often feel demeaning.
This is in addition to the humiliation of well meaning shadchanim, offering us their unsolicited advice (read: criticism), being broken up with by guys, having well-meaning people poke into our lives in an effort to help, etc.
So, when you think about all that coming our way (and I haven’t even mentioned family pressure etc) sometimes all we want is to get out and be allowed to function as a normal adult, without a big neon ‘SINGLE- FOR SALE’ sign above our heads. We are generally successful at that, but then we get stopped, mid- (whatever we are doing to try and stay sane) and are asked how old we are. And while we understand the necessity of these questions, this is what we are thinking: Thanks for reminding me that I’m single, I was trying just for a few hours, to not think about it and just feel like a regular person for a while. Shame. How old am I? O yes, I’m X years old. Only Y amount of years left on my biological baby clock- help!!! (yes, I’ve been in the parsha for X-20 years, is this EVER going to end??). etc etc.
Just some thoughts that go through the head of a single.
We always appreciate that the person asking is trying to help, and is generally well-meaning, however to those of you out there wondering about this- please see my tips above about how to be more sensitive (without making us feel nebach) and try to be as respectful and non-intrusive as you can, while still helping as much as you are able.
We really do appreciate it- even if it doesn’t work out- your efforts may have given a single hope for a minute, day or week or two, and even if it didn’t lead him/her to the chuppa this time, it still has value in keeping the single feeling good and hopeful for a small amount of time. And hope is not to be underestimated. (obviously false hope, or silly suggestions are a waste of time and are annoying and hurtful) but a suggestion that comes in a sensitive way, that is followed up on promptly is always appreciated.
Thank you all for your concern and willingness to help.