W3DCB: You mentioned that the primary issue is that parents are expressing their expectations for their children outwardly so that the child who does not get into the most desired school feels like a failure since the parents conveyed to him he would be a failure if he was not accepted.
Bim’chilas Kavod Torascha, I beg to differ. As SY Rechnitz pointed out, I believe the problem is the parents’ attitude whether expressed explicitly to their child or not. How can a parent believe that his/her child is a failure if that child does not get into a certain school? All our children are the Ribbono Shel Olam’s children, and if he is not a good fit with the school you want him to attend, maybe his fit is with a different school that’s best for him, not what’s best for you. Perhaps his strengths lie somewhere else where he can also contribute posivitely to Klal Yisroel. It’s a parents’ job to imbue confidence in their children and to make them feel that they are special and beloved to the RBSH”O and that they have a unique way in which they can contribute to Klal Yisroel through their own unique Torah, Avodah and Gemilus Chasodim.