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again, thanks everyone for your answers, especially yours, richashu. 🙂
I want to point out, something I forget in my OP, that there are a lot of modern orthodox who are extremely scrupulous in halacha–more so than some ‘chareidim’–(unless maybe certain areas, i.e. tznius, which as I said before, there is room to be lenient even al pi halacha), R Lichtenstien being a perfect example. I know someone from a modern orthodox yeshiva who puts me to shame in learning. It’s probably more the attitude with which they approach yiddishkeit that plays the main difference; in a sense I can feel it, too, and has the outcome richashu pointed out.
Hey, I meant to ask that as part of the question, but I realize I basically answered it–with all your help. Thanks!