I’m not talking about “getting it out of his system”. What I hope to convey to my boys is this: understand that when you get married you have to be prepared to accept the responsibility of building your bayis neeman (read your kesuba carefully). As such, understand that whatever level of full time learning you feel you’ll need to be a true ben Torah should probably be undertaken BEFORE you get married, or be prepared to think out of the box. Even if your wife is working at a well-paying job
– this may not be transferable everywhere
– she could be put on bed-rest with triplets soon after the chasuna
– financial support from parents can fall through
– you and she may feel it’s better for her to be at home full or part-time with the kids, much sooner than you think
I could go on.
Our kids shouldn’t be scared to the point of being put off getting married but they have to go into this with a level of resourcefulness and understanding of reality that I’m not seeing now. Some of these suggestions to ease the crisis are so not in our kids’ best interests.