I think that besides the Halachick considerations, we need to take into account the social norms of the world we live in. During the British Mandate of Palestine, there was a temporary practice to wrap the bodies of Muslim terrorists in pig skin and then bury the terrorist. This was used to deter the terrorism based on the assumption that Islam forbade the dead who were buried in pig skin to enter heaven. This practice was stopped because the social norms of the entire world dictated that it is deplorable and unethical to use someone’s religious beliefs against them – no matter what.
With the case of husbands who refuse gets – at its heart – the man is using the woman’s religious convictions to punish her. This is in both the world’s view and IMHO both deplorable and unethical and therefore should be treated as such.
For all intents and purposes the couple is quite actually divorced. Let us not use our religion to torture one another – no matter what.