While I will get hit for this, I believe that for the sake of kids who are off-the-derech, the klal must be prepared to make some major sacrifices. We must be prepared to jettison anything which is not based in halacha. That includes beaver hats, long black robes, white stockings, black and white clothes and black hats. How can you expect a cool, with-it American kid to want be part of a religion where you must dress like a freak? And the truth is our religion doesn’t require it. I believe the maamar of lo shinu es malbusham means they dressed bkovodig in whatever was the standard of that country. The gemara in A”Z says Rabban Gamliel was allowed to get a goyishe haircut because he interacted with govt (hitiru lsaper kumi). There was a need, and there was a heter.
The ikar of yiddishkeit is menschlachkeit, and becoming all you can be. We need to develop a yiddishkeit based on ahavas yisroel, rationality, and accomplishment in all areas. We must stop the voodoo-based approaches and cultlike behavior. We must let go of our overwhelming fear of secular knowledge and YU. We must stop the medieval superstitions regarding owning pets. Dogs show incredible affection to their owners and will play ball and anything else the owner likes. (Contrary to what someone posted here that dogs are the lowest animals, the medrash says because of lo yecheratz kelev lshono, they were given a tremendous reward.) We must show kids that they can develop into great people, each in their own way with their own talents, and be loved and respected for it.
We must stop talking about the terrible aveirah of loshon hora, and then proceed to viciously attack every other group “lshem shomayim”. Don’t you think kids see through this total hypocracy and sheker? We must intill a pride for Eretz Yisroel and Medinas Yisroel, and show the kids that they can be a part of building the state into a more frum and more advanced place. They can be a bridge between the frum and secular, and unite the klal. We must give them hope, and find and nurture their talents whether in art, science, literature, sports, or whatever.
Al t’hi baz lkchol adam. When we put others down, the kids see that the world is a place of hate. When we make fun of secular studies, the kids see that making fun is a proper thing, and will sure enough make fun of the Rebbes, as well. The gemara says they never appointed anyone to the Sanhedrin unless he was conversant in 70 languages. In some yeshivishe places, I am afraid to ask if they even know one language?
The world is open to them, and yiddishkeit makes their lives better. The Torah is called a tavlin. A tavlin imparts a pleasant taste into the food and makes it super-great, instead of bland. However, can you eat a tavlin directly? Try eating some salt or oregano or garlic tonite. When you tell a kid he can only learn and everything else is treif, that is the same thing. The Torah is a Toras Chaim, helps us with life. With Torah, we avoid the hurt feelings that public schools kids have because their classmates make fun of them, ruthlessly. We learn to speak with kindnesss to all. We avoid the problems of teen-pregnancy, and the messed up lives that result. Kashrus helps us curb our desires to do whatever feels good, even though it may be harmful. Fast days help us rememebr the poor. Niddah helps us remember those who need shidduchim, etc. etc. Every mitzvah has a positive. Let’s stop with the negative and the voodoo and the cult-stuff. Let’s start to focus on living normal productive lives filled with warmth and simcha and the greatst simcha which is accomplishment. Let us encourage them to cure cancer, or to become compassionate poskim, or whatever they dream.
The world is open to them, let’s not slam the door in their faces.