I have been reading the book “Off the Derech” for the past few days. It has been an “eye opening” experience. I’ve been thinking alot about what’s written there and have been discussing it with my wife.
One thing that bothers me (more than anything else) is the impression I get that according to the author, whatever we do as parents seems to be wrong. A person could come to “Yeeush” when reading page-after-page of reasons why whatever they do as parents will send their kids “off the derech”. It would have been a little more helpful if the author had given any indication that, at least sometimes, what the children/teens perceive as negative behavior on the part of the parents/teachers is really in their (the kids) minds. Our author seems to suggest that children/teenagers should never experience ANY negativity from their parents/teachers. The stories the author relates in the book seem to be one-sided in presentation. If we face facts honestly, we ought to admit that children/teens often ask questions in a “confrontational” way. Incidents should not be viewed in isolation. If a teacher, with a roomful of children to teach, who may also be stressed from his/her familial responsibilites, is confronted with hostile questioning from one or more students, perhaps that teachers less-than-patient response is a little more understandable. Our author, for example, refers to her own experiences in a school in Israel. She mentions, almost in passing, that she, at least twice, violated rules that she voluntarily accepted on herself. Her presentation of the principals response is totally from her perspective without ANY indication that the gave ANY thought to the other side of the coin.
Just as kids/teens don’t need to hear a 100% negative message from us, we don’t need a 100% negative message from them. That having been said, I continue to read this book because it has many helpful ideas. It’s just the overall tone I concerned with.