Reply To: overbearing parents

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#1161270
Mrs. D
Participant

Pringles, I’m joining this a bit late, but there is a big world out there and it’s filled with pressing matters, not the least of which is a zany-insaney assortment of people who may have done better if they had parents with the right kind of control in their lives. That being said, I am looking at the wording of your question, and it is an impossible non-question if you are the teenager, as follows: what will you do with your answer? If you get all kinds of feedback which tells you that by-and-large parents of teenagers should loosen up and let teenagers make their own decisions and stop being so “overbearing” and “controlling,” what are you going to do with that, huh? Are you going to march with your laptop over to your overbearing parents (who may have done anything from locking you in your room for 3 days to saying, No, you cannot stay up all night listening to heavy metal with the windows open, to asking you to inform them – Hashem yerachem – where you are going and with whom) – and show them these responses on this thread and yell at them “See?!?! Ess shteit in Coffee Room! You need to get off my back!” And if everyone tends toward answers that support strict parenting will you run away? Jump out a window? Cry? Why is this a forum where you feel you will find answers to your pressing worries about your relationship with your parents? I would be shocked if this was written by a parent of a teenager, and if so – delete all of the above (except for the part about this not exactly being a heilige and authoritative source for life’s big questions) and suggest that you as parents – who pay the bills, POST BAIL, feed the child, cover tuition and clothing etc, can make all the rules you feel you need to make, find out what abuse constitutes and don’t go there, and make sure to communicate a lot of respect and trust, as well as open, accepting channels of discussion in which you encourage the teen to begin to feel the weight of making mature decisions. A teen who has been in a dorm should not confuse him/herself with a 35 year old who has been through life and learned from it, mistakes and all. So assert yourself as parents, but begin infusing “chacham einov berosho” thoughts. You need to be very open and straight with your teen about things you are worried about and be sure you are not too overboard neurotic, but that is kind of hard to achieve in this crazy world…