“That’s at odds with the way the Torah dictates a marriage is to be run.”
Why “at odds?”
If anything the Torah specifies SO many cases where the women of the household were the voice of the marriage (and the voice of Klal Yisroel):
Sara telling Avraham to send Hagar away with her wild son, and Hashem ratified her decision and told Avraham to do whatever his wife tells him
He told Avrohom, who would make the decision, to listen to Sarah, he didn’t tell Sarah to go ahead and do it herself, which would be unthinkable
Rivka superceding Yitzchak’s intention to bensch Esav, because she knew Yaakov spiritually deserved the bracha and Esav did not,
She could not tell Yitzchak to bentsh Asav, since he would not listen to her and it was obviously his decision.
Rochel Emainu’s removal of the teraphim, so her father could not have them for avoda zara (although Yaakov ended up inadvertently causing her early death, nevertheless, the teraphim were never found and her will prevailed in that regard,
She did not tell him because he would not have allowed it, clearly it was his decision not hers that would prevail and she also determined in whose tent Yaakov would sleep on a given night when she “sold” her night to Leah in exchange for the dudaim. Even thought his was not regarded as a praiseworthy action, to make light of a Tzaddik, nonetheless it shows that women had a serious say in fundamentals of the marriage
Tzipporah was the moheles of her children, where Moshe Rabeinu had not done so. Are we to believe he did not know the halacha? Nonetheless, he did not tell her to do it, it was she who was spurred to action and thus saved HIS life.
In Tanach we see, Devorah haneviyah, Yael and Siserah, Rus, Chana, etc. etc. etc. and although these women were not being depicted in terms of marriage, they nonetheless achieved greatness in Judaism, that surely is NOT at odds with anything in the Torah.
No one said that the greatness of women is at odds with the Torah