missme, your decision on what is the natural order of the world and nuch dertzi your deciding what the Torah’s way is, does not necassarily reflect the true Torah way. For if you were right, then Avrohom would have to listen to Sura and not the other way around and Oin ben Peylos’s wife would not be hailed as a courages woman who saved her husband, but rather that her husband did not do the right thing by listening to her.
Rochel Imeinu too was not submissive to her future husband when she did not honor their predetermined codes and gave them over to her sister. That’s not submissive.
There are indeed numerous intances in the Torah and Jewish history where women were assertive and were not submissive to their husband’s wishes. If women were only submissive in nature then they would certainly not be able to influence the atmosphere of their homes and their husbands in their spiritual leanings. I have seen numerous times that when the wife was submissive to the husbands demands when they were not the right thing to do, and went along with his wishes, then the ending was not good to say the least.
Rather a wife should be submissive and assertive, each in their correct times. And maybe because the woman’s role is to be submissive most of the time and in most cases (some men do need a more assertive wife)Rav Miller said the wife is submissive.
I’m glad that you wash your husband’s feet or your wife washes yours, so I’ll concede the point that no women will wash their husband’s feet. But I guarantee you that MOST frum women who are yirah shomayim, and follow halacha will not wash their husband’s feet. As others previously pointed out, minhag homokum can have a huge impact on how we live out halacha.