It is indeed very telling that those who have disputed what I have written in my previous post, have skirted the issue regarding being assertive when the husband is veering from the right path or making bad decisions. I know what I’m talking about. I have seen cases where the woman has blindly followed the husband and it led to disaster and I have seen the fakerte instances too, where the wife stood up for what’s right and that led the husband too comply with doing the right thing (of course that must be done in the right way).
I cannot bring sources regarding the topic of submissivness as I am a woman who doesn’t delve in actual study of Torah (I’m not a feminist). However, I would venture to say that even while Rav Miller spoke about women being subverssive, where he to be asked whether a woman still is mchiuv to wash her husban’d feet, when she doesn’t wnat to, I highly doubt he would say that she must do that.
There is such a concept of the “fifte shilchun aruch” i.e. common sense. For example, if a woman has born a girl and boy and she doesn’t want to have more children because she is not michiav to do so al pi halacha and her husband too has fulfilled the mitzvah of having children. Will any Yeshivish/Chassidish Rov agree with her? Why does she need to seek a heter anyway if al pi halacha she is in the right? That’s where the fifte shichun aruch comes in. Maybe we can even call this daas Yehudi.
The same is with the issue of women being submissive. If today a man insists that his wife wash her feet and she doesn’t want to, I highly doubt where he to ask a Rov what to do with his insubordinated wife, the Rov would tell him to divorce her. It is much more likely the Rov will tell the husband to cut out the shtuss.