writersoul – everything you say is exactly right but you cannot expect understanding from all sides. There will always be people who will prefer something doesn’t exist and accuse you of trying to water down religion or being progressive. The fact is that these people do exist. And they struggle, many of them marry and have stressful relationships with their spouses who either know or don’t. Rabbi Wallerstein asked Rabbi Gamliel about that point you mentioned- that they have no “outlet” and the answer is amazing, definitely worth catching that shiur.
I have to disagree very strongly, however, with your closing statement. Not about your feelings on it, obviously, but on being gay as an identity. I think it is wrong. 100% wrong. We are Jews with nisyonos and tafkidim and we do NOT identify AS our nisyonos. We do not identify as gambling addicts, pritzus addicts, baalei loshon Hora. We identify as Jews who were given a teva that Hashem tailor made for us that is our strength and our weakness and our job is to acquire dvaikus regardless/in spite of/because of our nisyonos. We are not our nisyonos, we are spiritual beings.