Sparkly: That’s a question that I have often wondered about because I too have had a very difficult life but never considered going off. But then I realized that you really can’t compare one person’s life to another. There are so,so, many factors that go into making us who we are. There is natural intelligence, how well we do in school, our families including every aspect of each person in our families, our natural personalities and traits, our communities, etc, etc. So it is really difficult to compare one person’s life to another and explain why one person turned out differently than another.
Here’s a thought: Whenever people hear about a kid-at-risk, they ask, “What went wrong? Why did he turn out like that?” Maybe, instead when a kid turns out fine, we should be asking, “Wow! What went right? Why did he turn out like that?”
I think one of the problems with our generation is that we take too much for granted. We assume that everything SHOULD go right and then we wonder when things dont – whether it’s kids-at-risk or the shidduch crisis.
Do you realize how many things have to fall into place in order for things to work out right? I am Frum today because of everything my parents did for me, everything my teachers did for me, my G-d given intelligence and ability to succeed in school, my natural passion for Truth and Spirituality, my G-d given personality traits, the wonderful community I grew up in, etc,etc.
Well, what if someone was missing one of those factors? What if he/she was stupid and felt like a failure at school? What if he couldn’t understand WHY he should be Frum because it had never been explained to him or because his ability to think clearly was blocked by learning disabilities and depression? What if he was abused or molested by the person or one or the people whom he trusted the most in the world -the person who was telling him to be Frum and molested or abused him in the name of Yiddishkeit?
A large percentage of kids-at-risk and OTD’s were molested. Someone in the field told me that %99 of girls-at-risk and 95% (maybe it was 90%) of boys-at-risk were molested. Those figures do sound a bit high, but this was said by someone very involved, so they can’t be completely off. Even if it’s 50%, that explains half of the cases.
Most of them are suffering from depression. Even though you might claim that you have also been depressed, there are many levels of depression, and one has no shaychus to the other. I am sure that you have found in your own life that the word “depressed” had very different meanings at different times of your life. So it is possible that there are people who have felt depressed in a way that you can’t even imagine.
In any case, it is great that you feel connected enough to Hashem to stay Frum, and hopefully others who do not feel that way will learn to feel that way.