A funny piece that i found:
Shomrei Emunah, baruch Hashem, has reached an important life- cycle. Many of the members are becoming involved in the “shidduch parsha” for their sons and daughters of marriageable age (@17.5 +/-10 years). In recognition of the issues that such a situation raises, the shul will be offering a series of seminars for parents of prospective chassanim and kallahs. This seminar will include the following workshops given by noted local community experts:
*Getting your daughter into the “Right” Seminary
*Top ten Girls Seminaries in Israel to Avoid
*Seminary Directors in Israel Who Died and Made Them Kings?
*Application fees to seminaries in Israel: Larceny or an investment in Your Future.
* How to get your son into the top ten at Lakewood
*Yeshivonics: Translating grammatically incorrect speech into English
*Going back in time: How to Get YU and NCSY to disappear from your secret files.
*The most appropriate sefarim to have on your bookshelf (note: The first 50 registrants will be entered into a drawing for a $50 gift certificate at Shabsi’s Judaica
* How to obtain those Yeshiva Transcripts you never had
*How to master Shas in one week
*Lomdus 101: Is it Possible to shlug-up the “nice boy”, “nice girl”
Gezara Shoveh
*Etymology 353: A historical analysis of the word “nice” losing all meaning
*Chumra crash course: A primer to Yoshon, Cholov/Pas Yisrael, Gebrokhts, and separate seating/standing
*Kitchen remodeling: How to give an illusion of the double sink using mirrors from Home Depot
*Post Hoc Yichus Acquisition: Creative and alternative approaches to tracing and documenting your family tree
*Shinui Shem: Legally changing your daughter’s last name to something more desirable
*Financial Planning I: Which set of books to show the (prospective) Mechutanim
*Financial Planning II: How to go into Hock with dignity and still cover your Kol Nidre Pledge
*Financial Planning III: Pre-Shidduch financial negotiation tactics
*Financial Planning IV: Automatic payroll withdrawal to cross country manor and the Fountainbleu
*How to hand over your credit cards and car keys with a smile
* Progressive stupidity in the Shidduch-Parsha parent: Why have we lost control of the situation?
*Understanding your daughter’s fantasy of a $1,000 something piece of fake hair on her head: A psychiatric case study
*Narishkeit Update: A compilation of the New “That’s-Just-the-Way-it’s-Done” Laws of the past 10 years
*Fashion Update I: A guide to color-coded snoods
*Fashion Update II: Wardrobe Rules for Vorts and Sheva Brochos
*Your first grandchild next year?: A practical Shidduch Timetable for your dating child
*How to look at a 20-year-old boy in the Black Hat without cracking up: Behavior modification techniques for the 90’s
*How to break it off with a guy who expresses an interest in earning a living
*Understanding Twenty-First Century Demographics: Everyone’s Mechanech
Do you want to join?