*Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noach’s Teiva…
One: Don’t miss the boat.
Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three: Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noach built the Teiva.
Four: Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
Five: Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six: Build your future on high ground.
Seven: For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.
Eight: Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
Nine: When you’re stressed, float a while.
Ten: Remember, the teiva was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with Hashem, there’s always a rainbow waiting!
A man goes to a large catering hall on Long Island. He enters the hall and takes in the sites, 1000 people enjoying themselves, fressing, drinking, music, etc…
Just then a man approaches him and says “Glad you could make it here!! Which side are you on, the Kallahs or the Chossens??” (Bride or Groom).
He replied “The Kallahs side”.
The man instantly shouted, “GET OUT OF HERE!”
“Why, what’s wrong?” replied the newly arrived guest.
The man answered, “This is a Bar Mitzvah
*Top ways you know you work at a Jewish Organization.
You spill your lunch all over yourself and your cubicle neighbors yell “MAZEL TOV.”
There is a shaimos box in the copy room.
People notice how many times per week you order in lunch, whom you order with, what exactly you’re eating, and how much it cost.
The “director of human resources” tries to red you shidduchim.
The soda-pop cans that are supposedly for every one in the organization are always under lock and key in a “special fridge.”
You have to (get to) shout in hebrew on the phone.
At least 4 people in your office are related to each other.
Your salary reminds you of this lovely liturgical quote from the beginning of musaf: “ve’kol mee she’oskim b’tzarchei tizbur be’emounah???” HAKADOSH BARUCH HU YESHALEM!
You can leave your wallet out in plain sight and never have it stolen but don’t even think of leaving your lunch unattended.
All inter-office emails end with Tizku L’Mitzvos.
Your high school schedule of early dismissal on short Fridays, short short Fridays and Rosh Chodesh Fridays actually applies at work too.
“Mincha!” yelled out at approximately the same decibel-level as “Fire!”
Friday afternoon is eerily quiet after 1PM.
What’s a Holiday Bonus?!?
Your doorman greets you in Yiddish every morning.
The office fridge is stocked with New Square milk.
All office events are catered by the same kosher restaurant over and over again, until you never want to eat, smell or think about their food again.
You have off on Jewish Holidays, Legal Holidays, Christian Holdays,African Holidays, Canadian Holdiays, Calendar Holdays…
On Sukkos, there is a lulav and esrog in the conference room with a sheet on how to fulfil the mitzva.
Israeli news stations can be heard from people’s computers.
People are busy on only simchas, and on the yeshiva world news CR! LOL!
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