My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
-Jimmy Durante
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-Mark Twain
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?
He who smiles in a crisis has someone in mind to blame.
Laugh at your problems; everyone else does.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.
Honest is the best policy, but insanity is the better defense.